Dear Trail Friends
I went to sleep in such civilization shock that I felt a visceral urge to run back to the trail. I woke up in this amazing and beautiful home beside a bookcase full of books that reminded me of many different parts of my life and of lives not yet lived.
My first thought this morning: forget the trail. I will just stay and read all these books about Georgia O'Keefe and Frieda Kahlo. Then I laughed out loud.
Laughing at my own jokes - being a friendly listener-companion-observer of myself - is characteristic of who I become on the trail. Alas the self who returns to civilization tends much of the time to be less friendly. When I speak of civilization shock I really mean the shock of returning to the unfriendly presence inside my own consciousness.
I think in fact that civilization, with respect to the observing self it constelles in me, is more like the fourth world the Zunis talk about (it's as if I can't see myself - I step on, urinate on, spit on myself.)
Oh, for a pilgrimage that would symbolize my own emergence, from that dark world where the people can't see each other, into the light where they can. And, (to use the old Catholic definition of a sacrament that I have so loved ) for my pilgrimage/sacrament to be a symbol that accomplishes the transformation it symbolizes.
My trail angel host Sandy lives in a beautiful home in Vail, south of Tucson. I gasped when Jerry and Deb pulled into the driveway - the house looked so beautifully and dramatically remote perched on the edge of nowhere among these beautiful hills. Then I noticed the plants, the stunning purple garden wall, and the art inside the house. At the top of the bookcase beside my bed ate a collection of day of the dead figures. I have always loved these figures that seem to bring the dead into our midst, so filled with color and vitality and irreverence.
Sandy gave me a tour of her collection, including a photo collage of her participation in All Souls celebration in early November in Tucson - with her painted skeleton face and her wedding dress - as a way to publically and creatively wrestle with grief over her husband's sudden and premature death 4 years ago, just after she retired.
Photo 1 shows Sandy's photo collage.
Photo 2 shows some of her collection of sway of the dead figures. I especially like the two making love in a bed (center left). A whole new meaning for "jumping her bones" Sandy pointed out.
Sandy and I sat and talked a long time. Probably the thing that moved me most deeply was her description of adopting a dog and buying a trailer (for solo camping trips) so that, after her husband's death, and the shared future she had once imagined collapsed and vanished, she still had something to move toward in the future. I pictured future time like the hills in the distance, a vast horizon.
Her dog Dezi - 1/4 golden retriever, 3/4 poodle mixture - won my heart with his calm warm presence. Photo 3 is Dezi lying at my feet and Sandy's in her back patio. That warm weight leaning into my feet was a sweet feeling. Amazing it is do warm here (I think it went up to 90 in Tucson today) while it is cold and snowy on Orcas.
Photo 4 is Dezi again with a photo of Sandy and Dezi when he was a puppy.
We five (Gerry, Deb, Sandy, Dezi and I) went out to dinner at Saguaro Corners, a wonderful tavern/diner with superb food and special beers. A Spanish style guitarist (who Sandy had heard before and was delighted to hear again) was playing. At one point Gerry took me out behind the dumpsters to get a view of the sunset. It's a long time since I've taken a woman behind the dumpsters. He quipped. They are lively kind funny people. Good to be around. I especially enjoyed watching Sandy and Deb dance salsa to the guitar music while Gerry and I bemoaned our lack of dancing ability.
Tomorrow is another day of rest. Alas my new phone charging cord did not arrive today - so tomorrow I have to call Amazon and somehow get the driver back out here or cancel my order and go into town. Then Friday morning I will walk again to my next resupply stop which will be the home of my dear friends Anne and Steve Gresham (who were members with me of the mental health emergency team for San Juan County). At the restaurant I saw several tall Saguaro cacti. Somehow I don't think I realized how tall they are before. Walking among them will be exciting and I think the present hot spell will bring out more flowers. So I am excited about returning to the trail.
Sandy just yawned and said "I am ready to go to bed. Are there any objections?" I am ready too. Though we were watching an amazing pbs program on hummingbirds that was as moving in its way as the trail is in its way.
Thank you for walking with me. Even though I didn't take any steps today!
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